Here's to the next phase of Life!

I was just having one of "those" days. But first I have to start off be saying that I will admit I do alot of reading on other peoples blogs. Usually I love it, but the past couple of days it had me thinking. Everyone's blogs are so cute and everyone is sooo active with their little ones. I got thinking about my past few years with my kiddos and couldn't help but think that my kids were majorly missing out on stuff that I should be doing with them. Most people who are close to me know of the health issues that I have been dealing with since my last pregnancy. All my pregnancies have been tough and mainly on bedrest, but the last one with Lucy really did me in. I feel as though I have missed out on so much. Especially Lucy. Things were so tough when she was a new born. Having spinal taps every two weeks made it impossible for me to hold her and take care of her and that is when Tyler's mom had to play "mom" to my kids. I basicly missed out on her newborn months and she is my last. I guess I have always felt a little jipped on my last experience of having a baby. Anyway, due to my health, my kids have had to learn to play quietly, and that mom can't always take them out to play. Well reading these blogs, I was starting to feel like a bad mom..........

So now back to "that" day. The kids weren't in school yet, so everyone was home. I was expecting a visit from my visiting teachers. I asked Philip to please keep the kids upstairs and play quietly so I could enjoy a quiet visit. I wasn't feeling well, and my nerves were already on edge. Waking up with head aches everyday sometimes makes me more edgy then I should be. Well to make an already long story short, the kids were horrible. Sadly to say that my oldest caused the most problems. He threw a fit when I wouldn't let him play the xbox and stomped off like a three year old, while the girls yelled at each other the whole time. I kept thinking, "these are not my kids!!" I was really trying to patient. The visiting teachers left and I lost it! I called Tyler practicaly in tears and told him I couldn't handle things anymore. Which I know everyone feels this form time to time. Later that day Tyler came home with flowers and told me to go out with some friends. When I came home I went up to my bathroom and a big sign layed across the floor saying "YOU ARE THE BEST MOM EVER!" Then sitting in my jewelry box were two letters.............

Dear mom,

I'm sorry about that time today. I didn't know that you're head hearting. Now I understand. And I don't think that you are a bad mom. I love you very much.

you're dauter

Ellie Kae Edwards (I love how they spell when they are first learning)

Dear Mom,

Thank you for being the BEST MOM EVER. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

I know that my kids have missed out on a lot and I have always wished that they had had a mom who physically could be a mom to them. I really took the hysterectomy hard because I always wanted that last chance to do it the right way. But after that night I realized.......my kids are ok! I am so lucky to have kids that try to understand things. Tyler always says to me, "It is time for our next phase of life with our kids. It is time for you to have that chance to be that kind of mom that you want to be." I feel like all I had to do was blink and those toddler years were gone. So here's to that "next phase".